Could THIS be the time of your life?

PeaceLoveandCuriosityLeave a comment

Do you ever look back at old memories and think “man, I had it great! That was the time of my life! Look how young I was, look how little and cute the kids were, look how healthy I was” etc. and you didn’t fully live in the present and really appreciate what all you had at that time? Did you know, at that time, that you would once think it was the “time of your life?”

Thinking about your life right now, are you happy? Do you live mindfully, do you feel at peace? Do you appreciate all that you have? Why not? Are you fully present in your day-to-day life, or do you have the mindset of “I’ll be happy when… I accomplish this or that, or I’ll be happy five years from now, 10 years from now…?” In 20 years, you are going to look back on this exact time and think “man, I had it so good then, times were so great, look how young I was, look how much energy I had, look how thin I was!” And you’re going to wish you were back in THIS exact time. Right now, you’re going to wish you could go back in time and fully enjoy and live in the moment with what you have RIGHT NOW – TODAY! Today. This moment. So, enjoy it! Fully LIVE every day of your life! Otherwise, it’s a waste. This is your reminder; this is your wakeup call! Don’t waste this precious time right now. Don’t look back years from now and wish you had enjoyed your life more. Just choose to enjoy it right now. Appreciate that you are still alive and breathing, because someone took their last breath yesterday. Someone right now is dying of a terminal illness and WISHES they have what you have, TIME left to LIVE. Embrace wherever you are in your journey. Even if it feels like you’re stuck in a rut, or you feel down in the dumps, fully experience and live it so you remember what the low points feel like, so when a good feeling comes along, you’ll appreciate it that much more!

“I used to think the best way to go through life was to expect the worse. That way, if it happened, you were prepared, and if it didn’t happen, you were pleasantly surprised. Then I was in a car accident and my wife was killed. Needless to say, expecting the worse didn’t prepare me at all. And worse, I still grieve for all of those wonderful moments we shared and that I didn’t fully enjoy. My commitment to her is to fully enjoy every moment now. I just wish she was here now that I know how to do that.” – excerpt from “Atlas of the Heart,” Brene Brown.

These are wonderful reminders to ENJOY the time you have alive while you still can, because why not? Why waste precious moments of life sulking, complaining or being miserable, or longing for the past or future? This is your plea to not spend another day being unhappy, reserved, withdrawn, protective, or afraid of getting hurt. You WILL get hurt, whether you worry about it in advance or not. You WILL be let down, disappointed, and will fail, no matter how prepared you are, and it will still hurt. Get out there and live life to the fullest before it is too late!

The Big Scary Thing.

PeaceLoveandCuriosityLeave a comment

Sometimes I feel so strongly about something that I wish I could just turn the feelings off. Be numb. Make things easier. Make the pain go away. But then I think, other times I have felt numb or no feeling at all in a situation that I thought I should, or even wanting to be feeling something. Anything. But no tears, no excitement.

I think, what is wrong with me? Am I dead inside? Am I a robot, like I’ve been told before? Why am I so numb? Will it ever come back? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

To me, to really feel feelings, and be able to express them, is to be alive, and feeling alive is amazing! Yeah, sometimes feelings suck, and they hurt, and can even cause tremendous pain and anxiety, but sometimes feelings are really, truly amazing and wonderful! I want to feel alive. I don’t want to go back to that place. Sometimes feelings can be very complicated. But it is better than staying numb. During periods of my life, I have lived in a state of emotional detachment. It is said to be a coping mechanism in dealing with trauma or high levels of stress or anxiety. I have had to make a great deal of effort in my life to dig deep and get in touch with my emotions, and now my closest friends would tell you I could be one of “the most emotional people they know.” In my opinion, it is much better to live the highs and lows, than to not feel. To close oneself off and not allow any feeling for fear of pain or getting hurt, is not fully living wholeheartedly. And we stagnate.

Just because something hurts or is uncomfortable doesn’t mean we need to shove it aside or make it disappear as fast as possible. For healing, when you’re ready, sit with it, feel it, and work through it and let it go, or else it will surely find its way back to you again and again. I think we all have a natural tendency to want to distract or numb ourselves from uncomfortable feelings (through drinking, drugs, food, sex, etc.) and that’s not really healthy. Sometimes we’re just not ready yet, and that’s OK too. But It’s in that discomfort zone where all the growing takes place. So, talk it out, write it out, scream, cry, exercise, plant a garden, meditate- do whatever works for you, as many times or as long as it takes. There is no timeline. Then let it go. You will feel so much lighter.

I found this excerpt from something I had written over a year ago. I remember I felt proud of myself (and surprisingly lighter) after the fact, for working through something, and acknowledging it, and rising from it:

I had three hours of ugly, loud, hard crying last night. Weeping actually. Then I didn’t sleep well at all. I felt really sad and sentimental. The whole time that I was feeling this deep emotional intense pain, I wanted it to go away. I remembered the work I had been doing on myself and reminded myself I have to work through it, sit with the discomfort. I knew it would pass. I knew I would feel alive again and see the light again, and I am just experiencing a feeling. I have to fully feel it, and it will pass. Even though in the moment I wept and cursed as I laid on the floor curled up into a ball, in anguish, and felt so scared. I have always been afraid of feeling sad and lonely and scared. Of being truly alone. Looking back now, I lived through those big scary feelings that I knew would hit eventually, and I am still alive and breathing, and now less scared. I lived through The Big Scary Thing.

I hope you find your courage, too. I hope you fall in love with feeling alive again. 💜

Take a Moment to Be Mindful

PeaceLoveandCuriosityLeave a comment

Take a moment for mindfulness. Appreciate the beauty in the everyday. Make habit of it and it may change your life.

I can stare out the window, and look at a tree, and appreciate every ounce of beauty in it. The shades of green, the dark outline of it against the blue sky. Its giant arms that provide shade below. I can stare at it for 10 minutes, and think of all the beautiful things in my life, and it just brings me such a sense of calm and inner peace. I can be driving down the road and look out into the fields, sunrise on the horizon, and just feel totally in awe. How many different colors are in the sunset? Look how it changes from minute to minute.  I can experience this beauty with every fiber of my being. Completely living in the moment and letting it take my breath away. In the summer, I can lie there feeling the warm sun on my skin, smell the grass, so grateful to be alive and able to feel and use my senses and live life. I can look at my child and see their little features, and look at their tiny growing bodies, and relish in the miracle called life. I think, how could I ever be unhappy in life when I have these two little beings, created by the grace of God. So innocent and little.

Can you pause in your day, and look around you, and appreciate beauty in the moment? Look at the people in the room with you. Each unique in how they look, how they dress, how they talk and act. Watch a parent and child interact.  Watch two people in love. Two sisters laughing together. All human beings, living their lives, doing their thing. It really is beautiful. Soak in nature. How did that tree or that flower become to look like that? So intricate and perfect in design. Why is the sunset and sunrise so stunningly awe-inspiring, so many colors beautifully melted together across the sky.

The only way I can answer is this is God speaking to us. God, whoever or whatever that is to you, is a mighty and wonderful God.

✌🏼💙😊

Leah

Love Yourself First, Mama

PeaceLoveandCuriosity1 Comment

In choosing how I go about living life, I try to think about who I want my children to see as a role model. How do I hope for them to act as they grow up? What morals do I hope to instill in them? What temperaments do I hope for them to have? What will they take away from having me as their mother? Will they have patience and compassion towards others? Will they fly off the handle whenever something doesn’t go their way? Are they quick to judge a situation and react, or can they carefully consider each side before reacting? Do they make fun of others, talk behind others backs, or are they encouraging and helpful to others? Do they have eyes that lookout for the underdog, for the kid sitting alone who feels left out, or do they even notice?

 I already see the way my oldest son interacts with his younger brother, and it nearly brings me to tears at times. He is so kind and caring. I see reflections of ways I have acted toward him when he was upset or struggling with something, not even thinking in the moment that I am the example. Sometimes I am proud, and other times ashamed (of my behavior). While they are so young, I take responsibility for their behavior. Either way, their little eyes are always watching, and I see them repeat with their little hands and mouths what they see and hear. It’s a reminder to be mindful of what I am doing in my daily life. Am I just going through motions, or am I actively setting good example and demonstrating what it is to be a kind and decent human being. If I do nothing else to contribute to this world, I hope it is raising two kind and loving human beings.

Kids are super stressful to raise, and even the most patient parent loses their tempers and yells at times (you’re lying if you say you haven’t). We are always questioning if what we’re doing is right, did I handle the discipline correctly, or did I do more harm than good? Am I working too much? Do they have enough time away from me?  You wouldn’t be a good parent if you didn’t think about these things at times. But how do we stay sane, and have patience, and be that fun and energetic parent our children need? I’m going to tell you the secret.

It starts with loving yourself first, and the rest will follow. It leads to taking care of yourself. Having a love for life, and love for others.

Yep. That is the secret to being a healthy person, parent, spouse, anything really. And that starts with loving yourself. If we don’t love ourselves enough to take care of our needs, then we will suffer in all areas of life. We definitely won’t reach our full potential. We will be stressed out, angry, spiteful, and dull. All work and no play makes a stressed out mama.

Let’s start taking time to reflect what it is we really want/need to do to feel better and more relaxed. Let’s do something nice for ourselves once in a while. Maybe it’s allowing ourselves the time to meet up with friends for dinner or drinks, or it’s taking alone time to read a book. Maybe it’s planning a vacation, or taking time to exercise. Make time everyday to stretch and move your body. Sometimes it means saying no, like saying no to an extra project at work, or for a night out when all you really want to do is stay in.

Take time to take care of yourself and your needs, and your mind and body will thank you for it.

Make loving yourself a priority.

I’m curious, what do you do to take time for yourself and show yourself some love? 

The Other Side of Nursing

PeaceLoveandCuriosityLeave a comment

I was told twice this week by different families “I could never do what you do.”

I will take this as a compliment. I will take this as “I see you. You work hard, you deal with difficult and sometimes traumatizing life and death stuff. You hold it together when you want to melt down, when you want to cry, when you want to snap back at someone for snapping at you, but you know you shouldn’t, and can’t.”

You know they are going through quite possibly one of the worst days and/or weeks of their lives right now. You know you can’t hold anything they’re saying against them. They’re scared, they’re full of anxiety. Sometimes they feel so out of control of the situation that they try to control whatever it is left that they can.

You think to yourself “ today I will let it slide. Today I will give them grace, I will have patience, and stay kind in my response.” Today we will stay silent and let them have a moment. Sometimes no response is needed. Just holding their hand, or a hug. We will smile warmly and reply “I can’t possibly imagine what you’re going through right now. This must be so hard for you.” We answer their questions, more than once. Then we do it again the next day or with the next family member. We get them ice water, coffee, more coffee. A warm blanket. It doesn’t matter. These are the least of things we can do for someone watching their loved one die in front of them. They’re physically and emotionally drained. They can’t even think straight. They forget to eat. They’re on autopilot. They’re holding on to every last strand of hope they can. Every eye flinch, twitch or movement, they hold onto.

Sometimes I don’t have the heart to tell them it’s a reflex. Who am I to shatter their last piece of hope. Sometimes they need to hear it directly, and sometimes it’s better to let them hold onto whatever hope they have left.

The patient’s family asked me “How do you DO your job?” At first I was taken aback, not quite sure where he was going with this. He said “I appreciate you so much for what you’ve done to take care of my dad. I don’t know how you do this all the time. I could never do this job. Thank you so much.” This time I was fighting back the stinging I felt in the corners of my eyes. I couldn’t break down right now. I was the strong one. It is THEIR dad lying in that hospital bed, breathing loudly, having recently been removed from the ventilator. I looked at my patient. I saw his long gray hair that I had spent 30 minutes washing and combing, and picking the glue out of that held all the little wires in place. The wires that told us his brain was so severely damaged that he will likely never make a meaningful recovery. They removed the wires yesterday and unwrapped his head to reveal this long gray hair that I had no idea he had. Yesterday, I knew today would be “death day,” as I called it in my head. They had planned to remove life support and make him a “comfort care” only. I had to make him look nice and presentable for his family the next day. The day he was going to exit this earth. I washed, and I combed every last little tangle, and smoothed it down, and he looked nice and clean. I Washed the crusties out of his eyes, washed the dried saliva from the corners of his mouth. I Cleaned the dried blood off his hands so his family members can hold them. It will make them feel better, I told myself. I tidied the room, and cleared out any equipment we weren’t using. I Replaced the suction containers full of bile and mucus. Yuck. They don’t need to see that stuff. I turned on the soothing guitar music they had requested the previous day. It was nice. I grabbed three boxes of tissues. I knew they would be needed.

I looked back at his son. I told him “It took me a long time as a nurse to come to terms with death and dying, and really be ok with it. I know sometimes death is not the worst thing to happen to someone.” I am here to help people die with dignity and ease their pain and suffering during the transition. I am here to walk grieving families through this difficult process. I hope that by doing what I do, it makes this horrible day a little less painful for you and for them. I try to give you the answers to questions you didn’t even know you had. I try to make it so you don’t have to think so hard about the “stuff” and just hold your loved ones hand. I try to make their transition out this world as comfortable as possible. I facilitate families however they need, trying to anticipate needs. I grab chairs, I call chaplains, I grab tissues, coffee, water. I hold hands, I give hugs. I answer questions. I do it all with warmth and a smile.

Then I go next door to my other patient and pretend I didn’t just leave a room full of crying people, or we didn’t just pronounce someone dead. And now I will smile and take your dinner order, and give your medication, and help you to the bathroom. I will listen and apologize as your daughter complains about how long they had to wait for me to get in the room to take your dinner order. I can’t tell them what I’ve been doing, just “I’m so sorry, I have been with another patient, yes, you are important to me too, yes I understand this is the ICU. I’m very sorry you had to wait so long for me. I am here now and happy to help you. You have my undivided attention.” All still with a smile.

Does Curiosity Foster Compassion?

PeaceLoveandCuriosityLeave a comment

I’m always curious about why people are the way they are. What in their past has led up to this current person that they are? All our past experiences shape us into the person we are today.

The way I see it, there are two types of curiosity: the nosy type, and the compassionate type. The nosy type wants the details for gossiping reasons, or just because they want to know the juicy stuff. They might laugh at someone, or snicker about it with their friends. They might use this information against someone in the future.

The compassionate type might notice a person acting strange, and instead of laughing at them, wonders if they might have something else going on causing them to act this way. A mental illness? Are they going through a stressful situation? Are they uncomfortable or nervous right now? Do they have social anxiety, are introverted, or depression? Maybe you just met someone who doesn’t seem so friendly, maybe a little cold in their tone, instead of thinking “What a jerk!” wonder what she has going on in her life to cause her to feel and act this way. Maybe her loved one is dying? Self-esteem issues? Maybe she’s going through a divorce? Maybe she has a family member battling addiction? We don’t know these things. Everyone is fighting a battle of some sort, they may not always talk about it. I guarantee you, anyone you ask right now, has some sort of stress or worry in their life. It could seem insignificant to your battles, but you are not in their shoes, you do not know their whole story.

Try to give people grace and show compassion where you can. They will appreciate it more than you know.

Sometimes the kindest people are the ones who are most sad on the inside. But often times the unkind people are the ones who need kindness shown to them most. They are hurting in some way, and they are probably showing it through anger. It’s really, really hard to be kind to someone who is straight up being an asshole. You can often tell the difference when someone is just cruel and a jerk, or did they lash out, then feel horrible about it, because they don’t want to be that way, and that’s not their true self.

The way I see it, it is rarely wrong to be kind. Sometimes it only takes kindness from one person to hit that “reset” button, and show them a different way to be. Someone to give them a chance. That’s how we will change the world. We can change somebody’s life with kindness. It may be one simple act that you do for that person, and they never forget it. It may change their outlook altogether. I know I have had people in my life say or do something that had a life changing impact on me.

If somebody is acting angry, rude, or just seems weird, try to be curious and think “why?” next time. More understanding often leads to more compassion, and we all know the world could use a little more compassion and understanding.

If somebody has done something or said something helpful to you, tell them! Tell them how it made you feel, or how they helped you. It may be days or even years later before you realize it, but tell them now! They may never know, and you may not have the chance again. Speak up! If you have something nice, complementing, or encouraging to say, and it’s from the heart, then tell that person today. It will never be wrong if it’s meaningful and from the heart.

I once had a co-worker, a good friend, tell me it was difficult to work with me lately because I was so negative all the time, and it brought her down. She said it in a kind, but worried way. It stopped me dead in my tracks, and made me re- examine the way I had been acting. Was I complaining all the time? Yeah. Yeah I had been.  I just didn’t realize it, or realize it was affecting others. I am SO glad she told me. That was ten plus years ago. I recently, about a year ago, told her how much I appreciated her saying that to me back then, and how it changed me. It really made an impact, because ever since then I have tried to be extremely mindful of what I project outward to others. I cannot always control my thoughts or things going on around me, but I sure can control what comes out of my mouth! She didn’t remember saying it, but I remembered, and I thanked her nonetheless.

I’m curious… what are your thoughts about curiosity and compassion? I would love for you to leave a comment. Let’s form a community of lifting each other up and spreading love and kindness.

If you want to look good, be good – by Eli (age 7)

PeaceLoveandCuriosity2 Comments

Be yourself. Do things that you like to do. Don’t act like somebody else. Don’t act like your brothers or sisters. Do things that you often do.

If you like to go for a jog, just do that.

If you like a little snack, have a little snack.

Play with your kids if you have a kid or two.

Be good. Be nice to others. Do kind things. Talk nice to yourself. Always be your best.

✌🏼💙

Eli

Face Your Fears – It Feels Exhilarating!

PeaceLoveandCuriosityLeave a comment

The other day, I faced one of my biggest fears, public speaking.

I taught a class to roughly 60 people.

Now, mind you, I was very excited about doing this. I signed up for it, I looked forward to it. But I was still sooo nervous about it. I love to teach! And I’m passionate about the topic. But I was scared shitless too!

I had pondered and went back and forth about it for 6 months actually. At first, I was too afraid to speak in front of so many people, so I declined.

I was so mad at myself for not having the guts to do something I really wanted to do. 

I was the person in school who hated to speak in front of everyone. I would get so nervous and red and blotchy, my hands tremoring and my face turning red. I’m sure public speaking is a common phobia out there, right? Mine even carried over into adulthood. I’m still uncomfortable speaking even in small groups of people sometimes. I guess it depends on the crowd, and depends on my mood. (Click here for more on this topic.) Sometimes I feel like I have to be brave to just get up in the morning and do my job.

Anyway, once that first day came and I got it over with, it felt exhilarating!!!

I was feeling on top of the world the rest of the day! I was so proud of myself for facing my fears!! I didn’t pass out, I didn’t freeze up, I didn’t get all sweaty and tachycardic. People actually said I did good and seemed calm and confident!

We have to celebrate our little victories in life, right? We all have our anxieties.

I also had amazing family members and co workers who supported me and encouraged me through it. I can’t stress enough how important encouragement and support for each other really is. I very much appreciate everyone’s patience in my life who builds me up (as many times as I need to hear it) even when I over analyze and second guess myself to the point of annoyance. I am constantly seeking an external source of validation. That is where I am at in life right now, and I am actively working to not need that stuff so much. But for now, I appreciate it. (You people know who you are, and I am grateful for you!)

How do you get to a place in life where you don’t need someone to tell you you’re doing a good job? Seriously.

I want to encourage all of you to go out there and do something you’re afraid of doing. It will feel great once you get it over with and it will boost your confidence! We will not know what we are fully capable of in this life unless we push ourselves outside our comfort zone. We have no reason not to, do we?

Be fearless today!

Peace and Love, Leah