Who is the authority that can answer the question “What is the meaning of life?” Interestingly, I googled that question. Then I thought to myself as I was scrolling, who would be a valid, reliable source that I want to read, that could adequately answer that question? How do you prove yourself to be a “reliable” source for a question like that? Do you look to religious leaders? Philosophers? Psychologists? Or your most intelligent friend, your parents, your spouse?

I think the meaning of life, has to come from within. NO ONE can tell YOU what YOUR meaning in life is. Even if they tried, how can you validate that they’re right? What makes someone else the authority on YOUR life? Isn’t this a highly personal question? Lots of people can have opinions. They can hold multiple degrees from prestigious universities, but no two people will have the exact same answer. There is no guidebook to “living life” that we follow, to tell us what the “meaning” is. (Is there?) Some might look to the Bible. Others don’t believe in the bible. What is one person’s belief against another? (Hasn’t there been wars broken out over this in history?)

I wonder, if most people are going through life trying to find meaning, or their meaning, for their life. To find a sense of purpose. Everyone wants to make a difference, to stand out, to stand for something, to be remembered for something great. For their legacy to live on, so to say. I hope even a sliver of mine will carry on through my children.

I can only be as good of a mother as I am of a person. I am continually trying to grow, broaden, learn and strengthen my mind, perspectives, horizons, and relationships, while maintaining balance in my life. It requires constant work and focus. I sometimes grow weary, and have my moments of discouragement.

My overall purpose and desire in life is to leave a positive stamp on the world through demonstrating love, compassion and kindness to others, and nurturing and cultivating that in my children so they can do and receive the same. I hope for them to find joy everyday and flourish in this world.

Once again, I am reading the newest book by Brene Brown – “Atlas of the Heart.” I stumbled upon this book while I was browsing my local bookstore with my nieces. As I was standing there checking out, I saw on display, under “new arrivals” a book by Brene Brown. I didn’t care what it was, because I love Brene Brown so much, I knew I wanted to buy it.

This is a book all about different emotions, but is separated into different categories of feelings or situations we find ourselves in. It breaks down the feelings behind the feeling, when we’re sorting through something in life such as “when we’re hurting,” we’re feeling things such as anguish, hopelessness, despair, sadness, grief, and breaks down each emotion and how it differs from the other similar feelings. It is titled “Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience.”

In the “regret” section, she quoted George Saunders from his speech at a Syracuse University Graduation “What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness. Those moments when another human being was there, in front of me, suffering, and I responded…Sensibly. Reservedly. Mildy.”

That really caused me to pause, and reflect.

Try to picture yourself, at the end of your life, reflecting back on your moments of regret. Do you regret not taking that risk, not being vulnerable and putting yourself out there because you were scared and lacked confidence? Not daring to be brave and trying something new, to protect yourself from failing and risking embarrassment? Do you regret not trying something you know you could have achieved or enjoyed? What if you would have just went for it? What’s the worst that could have happened- you failed? OK, so you built character, you learned from it. You may have had a bruised ego, for like, a second. Then moved forward. You probably went on to do better than you would have, had you not tried and failed to begin with. Trying and failing helps us grow. Would you regret it if you stood idly by while someone else was picked on, and didn’t stand up for them- didn’t put yourself out there to help comfort or build that person up, when you know you could have? That is something to regret. That is what George Saunders is talking about.

Life is much better when you go out of your way to show kindness to someone else. Don’t look or ask for recognition for it either. You don’t need to tell someone else, or post it on social media, looking for people to “like” it or tell you “good job!” or what a good person you are. Skip that. Just do good, when you can, because you can. Feel good about yourself from an internal source, not from external validation. Trust that eventually, somewhere in the world, someday, it will carry forward and pay off, if you need to believe that in order to do it. Putting good out into the world actually will help make the world a better place. I whole heartedly believe in the ripple effect. In “paying it forward,” if you will. And you will feel better about yourself if you always make the choice that is “good,” not just for you, but you choose what is “right, and fair.”

I think when you live your life with integrity and morals, and with less judgement, you naturally build better self esteem. You don’t live in a “shame” state as much. You don’t feel as bad about yourself for being unkind, or lying or cheating, etc. and can move forward feeling good about your choices, which in turn helps you make more good choices. When we are feeling bad about ourselves, we make poor decisions to comfort ourselves sometimes, right? I know I have.

There is an epidemic going on right now with our society, and it starts with US. We are raising children who have anxiety about everything, who need INSTANT gratification, and do not know how to build healthy relationships. In my opinion, much of this is the result of technology. In many, many ways, advanced technology is wonderful and necessary, but are we paying close attention to what it is doing to our mental health, as a society?

How many people do you know right now, as adults, that have some form of anxiety or depression? It seems to be more people than not. Many are on medication or self-medicate one way or another. (And no, I’m not advocating that medication is bad.) There is so much pressure in society to compare to one another. We share snapshots on social media of our best selves, and curate “perfect” moments, and much of that isn’t even real, and even if it is, it is not an accurate picture of our everyday life. It is like trying to compare yourself to TV characters and think that is real life. No wonder kids feel depressed, or pressure to have this or that newest item.

Technology also gives you the “instant” response to everything. Kids grow up thinking that is how everything in life happens. They have the mentality of “If I don’t get immediate reward, I will go somewhere else and find it.” Steady, hard work and focus seems to be a thing of the past. People get too restless if a situation isn’t immediately ideal. They want all the reward and money to buy all the latest things right now, and if they can’t afford it, let’s put it on credit card.

I believe there has been an effort by society to take feelings and emotions more into account, which is a good thing, but it can also backfire. Now, instead of facts of a situation also being honored, someone’s feelings about a situation may be more highly honored. If I “feel” this way about something, or if someone “made” me feel this way, then it is true, (even if it isn’t true). Considering the context, this can be a positive or negative thing. Kids start to think they can use these feelings as a crutch – “I can’t complete this task because of my anxiety, I need a mental health break,” then they get out of whatever task they didn’t want to do, or became too hard, instead of using coping skills to work through it, and still get the job done. A person can develop grit and perseverance by being forced to try a little harder and push through to accomplish something. It’s a fine line, but usually this develops good qualities in a person.

On the other end on this same spectrum, more attention to mental health is a very good thing for those with true diagnoses, and who need the extra assistance and attention, who may otherwise had to struggle unnecessarily.