Reality check time. Sometimes, the struggle is real, y’all.

Life is not always pretty.

I try to be that happy, positive, nice person every day, but sometimes I just can’t. Sometimes I run out of juice.

Sometimes I just want a day to vent all my problems, and cry, and feel depressed, and act bitchy. I want to call off work for a mental health day. I want to take my kids to the babysitter just so I can be alone all day. I want to lay on the couch and watch TV and take naps. I want to just relax. I want to go get a massage and pedi/mani, have lunch with my friends and order too many expensive drinks.

Sometimes I just want to be lazy. Sometimes I let my kids watch tv or play on the computer for more hours than I’d like to admit just so I can relax. Sometimes I go a week or two with just wearing clothes out of the laundry baskets without them ever making it to a hanger. Sometimes I go to work and don’t feel like talking to anyone all day. I put my smile on and I just sit in my corner and do my job.

Sometimes I want to say screw the extra shifts, the extra projects, the house cleaning, all the shit I have to do or am supposed to do.

Sometimes I want to make bad choices, because they feel good. Sometimes I just want to give in, and live in the moment.

I really try to put good vibes out into the world. I try to be genuine, honest, kind and caring. I try to be a good mom and raise decent human beings. I try to spread hope and positivity. But dammit, sometimes the negative is too strong. Sometimes shit is depressing and it gets ya’ down and ya’ just need a day.

I’m a real person. I’m not always rainbows and sunshine. Sometimes I feel this way, but despite it all, I’m still out there trying to find happy and focus on the good stuff. You won’t see this side of me, or a post like this often, but here you go.

Always, just always remember, the next day I get back up, dust myself off, and go on with my badass self.

This post was written in the past, in what I like to call “the thick of it.”